Blind
by The Elegant Cynic
Summary: Toph is blind. She's long since come to terms with that. But how can she tell everyone that what they think is a blessing is a curse unto her? The one thing she's truly afraid of? Post war oneshot.


||| Disclaimer

I do not own any of the characters in Avatar: The Last Airbender and do not intend for this work to be used for commercial purposes.

||| Author's Note

As a oneshot, I really only have room to change one scene. This is a partial rewrite of the end of Sozin's Comet, where the triumphant warriors gather at the Jasmine Dragon to laugh at Sokka's bad painting and just relax.

That victory was gained by what really was a cop-out: energybending quietly resolved the troubling implications of Aang's ultimate decision. Despite the fact that everything turned up roses though, energybending has a darker side of its own.

Not a romance, but you can see some feelings if you squint.

||| Blind

"Well, I think you all look perfect!" Laughs met her ears, and Toph Bei Fong gave a wide grin. Her sarcastic remark had eased the bickering over Sokka's masterpiece, and the room lapsed back into a cheerful hub of chatter and laughter.

_And at least they can be happy_, she reflected, carefully edging her way towards the door. _They shouldn't worry. The war's over._ Now, after long weeks of travel she knew why Katara was so protective. Everyone had suffered so much; a carefree hour or two was well deserved.

But she herself couldn't get the troubling memory out of her head. As stalwart as ever, she remembered her banter and cutting jokes at the end of that fateful day.

_

* * *

"I learned there was another way to defeat him, and restore balance. I took his bending away."_

_ "Wow. Who taught you that?"_

_ "A giant lion turtle."_

_ "You have the craziest adventures when you disappear."_

* * *

She slipped out of the teashop, thankful to be on firm ground again. Yet along with that small surge of relief came a quiet fear, and she could not deny the faint tremble in her step as she made her way to a quiet alcove, hopefully out of sight of the teashop.

_He…said that so easily_. She knew that to Aang, the lion turtle's advice must have seemed like the ultimate gift; a way to permanently remove the most dangerous aspect of an enemy, and to subjugate them forever.

She recalled fighting to keep a tremble from her voice, letting her anxiety be swept away by the moment. But now, she had trouble seeing that same spark of happiness in her thoughts that accompanied the war's end.

Now, there was only fear.

* * *

"Aang?" Katara's voice was pleasant, and the young monk turned hopefully from the brilliant sunset. Katara's cheeks were flushed, and Aang felt a tiny thrill somewhere in the back of his mind.

"Yes, Katara?" A broad smile graced his features as he stepped toward her. It was all he could do to keep his face from falling when her purpose became clear.

"Aang, have you seen Toph?"

He masked the look of disappointment in an instant. Today was going to be a good day. He would win her over. "Why?" he heard himself answering. "Not recently, no."

Katara chewed her lip with worry. "I haven't…seen her. She just slipped off. It's not like her, especially not during…"

"Yeah, you're right," said Aang, a frown now crossing his features. "That isn't like her. She doesn't run away. Not Toph."

"She's not in the teashop…but it's too dark for me to see outside, and the streetlamps haven't been lit yet. I'm going to take Zuko, and…" She was talking to thin air—like the element he commanded, the Avatar had blown out of sight.

* * *

"Sifu Toph!" Aang called, looking left and right with a flame in his palm. The flickering light cast waving shadows, the night taking on a darker cast than before. "…Toph?" Worry invaded his thoughts, as he swung to both sides in vain.

Another flame burst to life behind him, and turning, Aang could see Katara and Zuko descending the front steps. Behind them, the sounds of the continuing party floated into the open air, Iroh's booming chuckles filling the shop. He blinked once, twice. He wasn't seeing things; Katara and Zuko were moving side by side, their shoulders touching.

He expected to feel jealousy at how close Zuko and Katara were walking. So long ago, at Ba Sin Se he had experienced its insidious touch. Now, though, he only saw two good friends. He wanted their happiness too. _I don't…mind. Even if…_

_I've grown up_, he summarized, before returning to his task. Aang closed his eyes, concentrating his thoughts. _Toph doesn't need light…_ he realized. _I need to look for her by listening to the earth!_

Taking a short breath, he stomped one foot to the cobblestones, feeling vibrations ripple outwards from his body and disappear into the darkness. Shortly, several returned, with a telltale presence recorded in their cadence.

Gray eyes knit in confusion when he detected sudden pressure on distant ground, followed by the unmistakable pattern of running feet. _Toph…what are you doing!_ Kicking his sandals to one side, he pelted after his friend.

Buildings whirled by as quickly as his thoughts, leaving him to weave through a maelstrom of concerns and towering structures. _Is she afraid of something? Angry? But she wouldn't run away if she were angry…or if she were afraid._

_ What's so bad that even Toph would flee from?_

* * *

Like a ghost's call, the faint trembles of the ground met Toph's feet and faded away to silence. To anyone else, it would have been completely hidden by thick shoes and years of walking the streets. But for her, the pattern was distinctive, and she stood in alarm.

_Oh no you don't, Twinkletoes…not now!_ Choosing an empty street, she began to run, trying to keep her footfalls as light as possible. Yet with each step, she could feel him, catching up, disappearing, and then reappearing closer than before.

She willed herself to run harder. Aang was the last person she wanted to see right now, but unfortunately it seemed he was also the best equipped to chase her. Toph skidded to a halt in an alley, contemplating burrowing to the underground catacombs that dotted the landscape beneath Ba Sing Se.

Before she could even twitch a muscle, a familiar, warm hand fell to her shoulder. "Toph?" an uncertain voice asked. "Toph, talk to—no, don't do that!"

The earthbender grumbled when she felt the tunnel beneath her close up, Aang counteracting her every move. She swallowed down a moment of panic, before frustration cracked her restraint, and she shuddered. To her chagrin, Aang picked up on the motion immediately.

"Toph?"

"Leave me alone!" The words hurt him, and she immediately regretted saying them. _Great. I slipped up twice now. First, I showed weakness, and now…_

"No." There was steel in Aang's words now, and some part of her wondered idly if she'd been responsible for putting it there. "You're going to tell me what's wrong, Sifu Toph."

She looked down, blinking. "Nothing's wrong," she answered dully. "Now will you please let me be?"

"For someone who can pick up lying, you're not too good at it yourself," chided Aang. "Sit down." A stool appeared behind her, rising from the earth with a faint rumble. Although she scowled, Toph sat, sensing Aang descending onto a block of his own.

Silence filled the air between them for a moment. Toph squirmed, sure that she could feel Aang's gaze resting on her face. _What are you doing, Toph! Sit still, or…_

"I'll know something's wrong?" finished Aang. The earthbender flushed deeply, face masked by the darkness. "Your heart is racing. I can't tell much more," Aang informed her, "but I can still guess."

Toph blew at her bangs softly, taking pleasure in the familiar gesture. A few seconds passed, and still she could not bring herself to voice her troubles. Neither could she turn away from the monk, sitting patiently in front of her.

"You're turning into Katara," she remarked, hoping to change the topic of conversation. _But that was always a long shot_, she noted gloomily when Aang refused to take the bait. At length, she sighed.

"Twinkles, can you promise me something?"

"Sure! Anything for you, Sifu Toph."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Positive." Aang was beaming now in the darkness. She'd finally opened up to him. Yet even he wasn't prepared for what she asked.

"…can you promise not to use…whatever it is you used to take Ozai's bending…can you promise not to use it again?" Immediately, she felt Aang's demeanor change, and she raised a hand to cut him off. "I understand…it is too much to ask."

"…but why?" implored Aang, knowing that they'd almost reached the heart of the matter. "Energybending is an amazing tool! With it, I can—"

"Tell me," she interrupted. "Have you ever had your chi blocked? Have you ever lost your bending?"

"Well…" Aang paused. "I did go to the Spirit World, and bending doesn't work there…"

"I mean against your will. Someone did it to you." When the monk didn't reply, she plowed ahead, unable to stop. "Because when we were in Ba Sing Se last…Ty Lee blocked my chi. Katara's been disabled twice this way, too."

This time, she trembled openly, stopping only when she felt those same, warm hands folding over her own. "It's…" she faltered. "It's…unimaginable. You feel like something inside you died…"

"But it won't happen again. And I only did it against Ozai, who—"

"Twinkles, I know you did it to save the world! But…just knowing that that power exists, and that you have it…" Aang flinched when she pulled away from him, watching as the normally stout earthbender withdrew into her thoughts.

"Toph…you know I would never…"

"I…I'm afraid…when I lost my bending, I was blind."

"But—"

"I am blind, I get it! But I couldn't see with my feet, is what I mean. I…became the helpless, stupid little blind girl that everyone thinks I am!" She stopped again, shivering. "I…I couldn't do that."

Aang's eyes widened when he finally grasped the problem. _It…goes against everything she is. That's why she's afraid._ Understanding flashed in his eyes as he looked at her, searching her features for signs of that fear. Behind the mask, he saw it, coiling like a snake and ready to strike.

Or ready to wait, slithering in and out of her thoughts, plaguing her for years. He couldn't do that to her.

"Thing is, I don't…well…" Toph was speaking again. "I…tease everyone, but…what if I make you angry? What might you do then?"

"Toph…" But the normally stout girl had begun to babble, and Aang flinched at the unfamiliar response.

"It…you don't have to mean it. We don't know anything about it! What if there was an accident? You've never tried giving anyone's bending back, have you?" Frowning, Aang reached for her shoulder again, starting when she slapped him away.

"No! S-stay away!" Stumbling to her feet, Toph made as if to bend away, pausing for a split second to listen to the earth's vibrations. In that moment, however, something crashed into her side, and she tumbled to the ground.

Toph froze in place, feeling Aang's arms on either side of her and pinning her to the ground. Silently, she cursed the blush rising on her face and squirmed, trying to free her arms. "Twinkles," she grit out between her teeth, "get off of me!"

"So you can run away? I don't think so," he reprimanded. "We're staying right here until this is settled." Caught up in his high-minded intentions, Aang didn't notice Toph's uncomfortable and fearful shudder.

"Twinkletoes, please!" Try as she might, she couldn't keep the strained and desperate quality out of her voice. "I can't move…you're hurting me!"

Surprised, Aang drew back, allowing Toph to at least sit up. Much to her dismay, though, Aang kept an arm slung over her waist, firmly holding her to the ground. At the very least though, her hands now had unobstructed contact with the ground, and her ground sight began to clear.

A minute wore by as Toph, still breathing heavily tried to bring herself back under control. Embarrassed, she turned and hid her face from Aang, grateful that her bangs concealed the tormented expression she wore.

_And that…_ something whispered to her, _that is just a taste of what life without bending would be like. Alone…completely blind…_

_Stop…_ Her anguished, mental cry lingered in her thoughts before fading, replaced by that evil, insidious voice.

_And for all you've said and done…you came pretty close to making him angry…he has you pinned…just one, simple move…_

"No…!" She shuddered, feeling the full weight of her blindness. In the perpetual darkness, there was nowhere to run from her thoughts, nothing to see to distract her. She swung her fists wildly, trading moments of true blindness for the chance of getting away.

Her heartbeat thundered in her ears as Aang caught first one wrist, then the other. "Toph, calm down!" The short, sharp bark was so unexpected that Toph stopped struggling, a part of her impressed despite her situation.

_Twinkles, you really grew a spine…_

"Toph, please listen," the monk pleaded. "I'm not trying…no, I won't ever hurt you." Seeming to realize the inherent contradiction in his words he let go of Toph's wrists, watching as they fell to the earth without resistance.

He waited for her to reply, and was worried at the small, dejected tone her voice suddenly held. "I…I know you wouldn't mean it…b-but…it's…it's just…"

"Possible," Aang finished for her, gently reaching over to hold her hand. Her flinch did not deter him, though it sent an alarm off in his head. _This is so much deeper than I could've imagined…even Toph can't take this one head on._ "The war is over, and I don't think I'll have to use energybending again. I promise, I will never use it against any of you."

Seeing the protest already on her trembling lips, he held up a hand, before realizing the gesture was useless. Instead, he squeezed her tiny palm, hoping to reassure her. "Toph, if it helps you…I won't use it. At all. I can't just forget how to use it, but…I'll put it away."

"N-no…you…you were right. What if you do need to use it? What if you had to use it? You could die…or others could die, because I couldn't…"

"How would you get over this, then?" Aang asked in reply, his voice sad. "By running away? Toph…that's not your style. And if you run away from this, it will only haunt you. What I promise is the best I can do."

Aang lifted his arm, watching the girl beside him intently. He let out a sigh of relief when she didn't recoil away from him, didn't reject him because of his bending.

"Twinkles…thank you," Toph breathed, before turning abruptly and punching Aang in the shoulder.

"Ow! That hurt!" The monk ruefully rubbed his shoulder, his free hand wedging between their arms to massage what would probably turn into a full-fledged bruise by morning. "Must you really do that?"

"It's how I show affection," she repeated, a merry current beneath her voice. "I'm going to head back now. I don't want the others to be worried." And without another word, she stood and walked back towards the Jasmine Dragon.

Aang remained on the ground, staring into the darkness. He had no doubt that Toph had not yet come to terms with her fear of energybending. Perhaps that was just too much to ask.

With a troubled sigh, Aang watched the shadows, and for the first time allowed himself to wonder whether energybending had been a gift at all.

Perhaps, in the end, it was a curse.


End file.
